Promo

stress
= hair loss
= migraine
= acne outbreak
= binge
= shopping

i really dont know whether i want to study for promo and stay for another one year. but i also dont want to waste 2010. though its already wasted.

by the way, i feel like going to an isolated island to live by myself. but i dont like bugs. and i have no survival skills. plus no sense of direction.



P.S samples are great. online shopping is awesome.

Acid Tongue

i have no idea why i always ended up quarreling with them. its so zzzz.... this is so immature. where has my good temper disappear to? ok, temper is unrelated. more like, where has my tolerance disappear to? ok wait, i never have tolerance to begin with. lol. back to the immature point, quarreling is so uncouth, so plebeian and hence i always make it a point not to quarrel with people. cold war is much better. it creeps people out :)

"adjust your tone towards me. then i wont feel angry at you. that's my only requirement, girl"

Home Alone

me parents and brother are overseas right now -.-
glad to know i have such lovely family to support me through my prelim crisis. haha :D

anyway, i bought a lot of food to last me for the next few days.
i rmb there's one time when i didnt eat anything for one whole day because i was lazy to go downstairs to buy food when my family were overseas again.

lol.

and i am VERY disappointed at myself for disappointing my teachers :(
my chem teacher is upset with me for not asking her more questions. my math teacher is upset with me for not asking her more questions too. my bio teacher is upset with me for asking her questions which answers can be found in the lecture notes.

my teachers are nice right? but i definitely dont deserve their attention and care lol. it really seems like my teachers are more concerned about my promo results than me. and i didnt even give them teacher's day presents =x eh, overslept on teacher's day celebration.

im really very angry at myself. feeling like i have been taking them for granted (ok la, i am) im experiencing feelings that i felt during my olevel crisis again. xms's teachers are real nice too! especially mr lim and mr ang :))

P.S the teachers in my previous posts are not the same person as those in this post.

Me thinks me is overdosing on drugs.

btw, i almost (like really almost) overdose on sleeping pills last time -.- imagine me sleeping in the coffin now.

wooh~

a person who i never would have imagine will pon is ponning today and tmr. the doctor not fair one lol, that time i want two days MC, he dont even want to give me.
hmphhmph! then he gives her two days MC. sulk*

---
well, i get that some people will go to the point of forcing themselves not to be themselves to gain other people's approval?
---

anyway, have a great time laughing at the videos below :D
btw, dont you think that those people in just for laughs have great acting talent?







P.S my $19 is gone :(

She Sells Seashell -

meet up with YL today :D we went to xinmin and studied in the school library. but we ended up chatting anyway. btw, only one of my junior recognize me, the rest including mdm hanifah and mdm abey dont even remember me. omg, im so obviously out of the picture already. ok, haha, its not like i talked to them. i think most of them are =.= yeah, dont like = dont talk.

today is fun. wee~ have a great time laughing. especially when YL was trying to rhyme without success when we are walking which causes me to burst into uncontrollable laughter. oh god, the passerby were staring at me!! talk about embarrassment >.<
have like a few stomach cramps due to laughing too hard over the course of 5-6 hours?
yup, time well spent :)

its been too long since i have really laugh. as in multiple times in a day. sometimes, when i am having a happy moment, i cant help but be upset at how my school life has turn out. i have always taken all that for granted you know? happiness is always something that comes easily for me. i hate 2010. and i feel like its a omen. the start of a brand new decade, and, i spend 90% of it swimming in grumpiness, sadness, dislike, hatred, all the negative emotions which i seldom experienced until this year.

anyway, i told YL how im afraid that im becoming those kind of people i hate and yet i cant help it even though i know it. thanks ar, for being such a helpful friend to point out to me that yeah, i have become that. god. CARE lesson no.7, you should encourage your friend, not discourage her.

Laughing is the Best Medicine

Just as the title says :D

These are one of the best Just For Laughs videos i have ever seen. loves. <3

Broken Glass


We Got Another Winner


No Table!

Regret

i went shopping at swanton, watsons and then ntuc just now. and i got back home with a raging headache. ah, nonono, its not because of the shopping that causes my migraine. in fact, i think shopping helps a little because they took my mind off certain best-left-untouched issues.

i dont like you. alright, that's an understatement. i hate you. that feels better. i think its this hatred that is causing me migraine. my mind dont deal well with negative emotions, i guess. sometimes, when i want to be just a little bit evil, to hurt, my mind will automatically shut down. in a nutshell, it means these are just fleeting thoughts which flash by for only a second. that applies for dislike too. yeah, it might be hard to believe since sometimes, i will be harping on a certain someone for like a year? but that's because she keeps doing things which reminded me of why i should dislike her.

anyway,
i cant tell you my feelings can i? it will make life more complicated for me. frankly speaking, i dont really care whether i will still be going back next year. ah, but i often dont care what is happening to me. you are upset when i look at the time when you are speaking to me. and then you tell me "have you considered what your actions and words make other people think of you?" but let me tell you this, have you considered that what image of me that i project towards you is deliberate, calculated? im not a simple-minded person. that's just what i want you to think of me. get it? though i have a feeling that soon, this facade of mine will crack in front of you because i dont want to spend another minute of my life with you anymore. and you will probably get that i DO NOT think of you as caring, honest and other good adjectives. gosh, why must you keep doing all this things to make me hate you?

urgh, the more i think about it, the more pain in my head im feeling. oh by the way, i think its this hatred for my school that's causing me frequent migraine too. erm, yup, i do hate my school.

might be meeting YL at xms tomorrow. missed.
will probably get back $19 on thurs. profit earn = $5?

H*D*

i love inspirational story though i seldom got inspired.
anyway, even though its draggy and awfully long and so totally not my taste at all. its good. like wow.

lol. doesnt matter if the rest dont understand. CC understands right? :D

Today

i woke up feeling royally pissed off this morning. for no particular reason la ;p
so i was actually really GLARING at the people around me in school this early morning until the first lesson when my mood improves.
thanks JJ. haha!! :D bitching about ppl with him is awesome but simply because i cant find other ppl who are willing to bitch with me. haha, just some random facts on random ppl written on a random piece of paper la. nothing serious and take note, its facts! i dont do rumours. tyvm.
anyway, saw elena at amk hub today. we are like wow! so coindiental? anyway, damn that girl for hitting me right after hugging me. gosh!

and me is going to satisfy my innate shopping urge tmr.

ramblings

i dont know why my internet connection is so slow leh. i think i subscribed to the 16mps one? and its slower than when im using those free unsecured wireless. bytheway, i think 16mps is freakingly expensive. not sure. its not me paying the bills hehe. anw, if i didnt know singtel customer service is extremely slow, i would have called (nah, just saying) and get pissedly pissed with every minutes ticking by.

oh, i have rearrange my room. that's the 4th time this year.

there's a lot of drama in my life in 2010. it changes my perspective of the world. a lot. just saying.

my laptop is a bit soksok too.

and two of my many (more than 20) cousins are coming on wed. and i think they will lord their seniority over me and took away my bed T.T i will be forced to sleep on the floor!

by the way, i just earned $10++ (not counting the price i bought them at) from selling my things. and i spent $30++ unknowingly.

i can feel a headache forming when i think of school tmr. not good.

Fantasy

I found some nice good recs. and that translate to nice enjoyable time reading. :D

btw,


if only life is this idealistic.
i would disappear into my fantasy.
because reality often hurts.

Rushed

this is fucked up.

i realised due to h*d*, im beginning to curse more and more :( not good, not good. wenny is a cultured and civilised girl.

DuoDuo

xiaxue's nanolove died :(

it reminds me of those times when duoduo no.1,2 and 3 died too. cried like shit when no.1 passed away. and oh, it definitely help my guilt when i realised months later! that it died due to illness. awesome, wenny. but anyway, i tried to make up for it by treating the rest of my hamsters well except for some ungrateful ******** which must have never heard of the phrase "you dont bite the hand who feed you".

lol!

after promo,
im going to get another hamster.
im going to tan my face. yeah, just my face.
im going to cut my hair.
im going to sign up for yoga. dont mock me, thanks.
im going to patch up my relationship with some ppl e.g SY, GS, YJ, XY, ...
im going to sell off ALL my beauty junks and be happy at the money coming into my bank.
im going to work two jobs at the same time to replenish my bank.

and if im still accepted by the school,
im going to do volunteering at childcare centre.
im going to start preparing for my testimonial and Alevel cert.

and if i am kicked out,
im going to look for other jc to accept me. hopefully nj, if not nyj. its the nearest. >.<
im going to sell most of my assessment books.

P.S i dont like distrustful teachers. or basically people who jumps to conclusion and think that the conclusion must BE the reality SIMPLY because the conclusion is done by them. gee, feelings of dislike is making my unhealthy. thanks ar.

Emotive

i was feeling a bit off, so i thought crying will help a little but i seriously cannot cry at my life so i ended up watching my favorite one piece episode. hehe, fifth time watching. and the amount of tears still haven diminished.

zSHARE video - One Piece 312.avi.flv

-

i finally know why suicide rate is high for migraine souls. because i actually got the urge to bang my head against the wall repeatedly till my head cracks just for the satisfying urge of overcoming my migraine pain. but that's after 5 consecutive days of feeling like my head is slowly being eaten by a 100 ants.

anyway, i did a calculation of my marks. i need at least a 70 for two h2 subjects to get promoted. im now not going to think of my h3 anymore. that's impossible for my amazingly wonderful performance for the previous months. now being faced with the harsh reality of getting kick out, im seriously doubting myself whether i can do it. and please dont say no la, you wont get kick out or i believe you can do it etcetc. providing people with false hope is actually quite heartless. and i know my situation best. tyvm.

:)

mmm.. im really paranoid. like someone says something bad about someone. i will think its me.like really, i will think its me! then if someone says something good about some one, i will start thinking who fits the description without even thinking of myself.

Life

I really ended up sulking at the corner for the whole night but its over my insomnia.
feel so mentally tired this morning when i woke up from my 1hr sleep. and my face aches because i was yawning once every minute while i was preparing for school. my vision blurs. my head pounds. my stomach in knots. so i ended up thinking f. this and went back to sleep =.=

after my promos, im going to do the brain scan. been thinking of doing the x-ray since march but the doctor said that it will kill my brain cells so he did not want me to do it. but i think doing it will provide me with some relief you know? if my brain is alright, then i can stop imagining the horror of getting brain cancer/tumour/some other shit and know that its JUST stress. if its not, then i have finally found the cause. but of course, i hope its ok =x brain, please be good and normal. pray*

ok, im going to prepare tons of questions to bug my teachers. it doesnt matter if they are not free to answer. i just want to show them im working hard you know? so at the end of the year, they will say to the dont-know-who that im working hard and then i can get retained :) hehe, the dont-know-who tells me one.

courage is doing things that you fear to do. im afraid of my school. that's why i dont like it. and dont ask me why. because i dont know why. i wont understand my own feeling unless i keep pouring myself over the situation. and i just realise recently that im afraid of my school.

/edit
im hungry but my stomach are in knots. im ravenous but at the same time, nauseous. ):

Hair

oO according to research, dropping 100 strands of hair is normal.
that's like major dots...........................

i remember i was frantically buying all brands of shampoo during Olevel time when i realised im dropping at least 20 strands of hair during shower, 30 more when combing, 10 more when i woke up. and it definitely didnt help my heart when all 70 strands of hair are extremely long (40cm like that) and clumping together. omg, like those ghost movie.

lucky now my hair dropping rate has lowered. otherwise, can you imagine seeing at least 70 strands of hair with at least 55cm long? nightmare.

anyway, those brands which claim that their products will promote hair growth are ALL scam.
dont waste money!

Internet Shopping

HOHO, THERE'S GOING TO BE MONEY GOING BACK INTO MY BANK ALREADY :D
WENNY IS A HAPPY GIRL RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!

Mentholatum Deep Moist Lip Balms

I want the silver one >.<
for those who know me/spend a lot of time around me, you must know that my lips are practically throwing out blood every single freaking day. 'dry, chapped lips' predicament. :/

cant wait for its release in watsons >.<

f.

nabei, you think i never quarrel with anyone and almost never get really seriously angry plus irritated means im a nice and good-tempered person is it?!

.
.
.
.
5min later

dont know how to say this, but im not in a bad mood anymore. blah.

you know, i really think im weird. :/







and im so confused at myself right now that i seriously doubt whether any of my friends really like me. the paranoia is gnawing at me.

irritated.

dont even need me luh, can?!
for unknown reasons, im pissed off at things and people on small, petty issues which i usually ignored and wont even frown at.

bad mood. fuck off.

Mixed Feel

“The second paper, published in Neurology this past week, finds that middle-schoolers who suffer from migraines with aura are more likely than their peers to suffer from depressive disorders or anxiety disorders — and to be at risk of suicide. While the link between the conditions is poorly understood, the paper, which followed 8,000 youths, notes that altered levels of serotonin — a neurotransmitter affecting mood and appetite — have an impact both on migraine headaches and affective disorders. The study doesn’t suggest that migraines make kids suicidal. But it does show that kids with migraines are more likely to be suicidal. It’s possible, then, that further research would uncover common biochemical causes.”

Source: http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1618409,00.html#ixzz0ylPaQaBM

you are looking for the causes and solutions to a problem you had. out of five sites, four of them state that suicide rate is high for your problem. how would you feel?

“Many people have committed suicide over Migraine.  When you do not have the support or structure or knowledge to arm yourself with, attacks seem hopeless and never-ending.  You get caught in a vicious cycle of medicating, fatigue, and pain.  You may have others in your family who don’t understand the limits that Migraine will push you to, so you end up feeling even more lost.  Stroke risks aside, Migraine CAN be a killer, but while some of us worry about stroke, many more are wondering just how they are going to make it through the next day with no one around to help them.  And yet, people keep brushing Migraine aside as an emotional, nervous affliction that can be easily fixed by drinking a daily mixture of vinegar or having your back adjusted regularly…Which makes no sense to me, but then, a lot of people don’t stop to consider what makes sense.”

Source: http://www.healthcentral.com/migraine/c/8501/37503/migraine-suicide

yeah, definitely agree with the part that no one understands other than fellow migraine sufferers.

im not feeling suicidal or anything la. im just not the type who will go commit suicide just because i cant stand something. but it is till so disheartening to know that the possibility of suicide rate for me is high just because im having migraine everyday.

actually, i know the cause of my migraine. its everything that is related to my jc. i dont know why i just hate my jc so much. it might be the environment. it might be the teachers. it might be my classmates. who knows? but the one fact that im sure is ever since i have enrolled myself into this school, i have been getting migraine everyday. one person once told me that headache is a way your body tells you to stop doing something. so yeah, even my body is telling me to quit this irritating jc that is causing me misery. but you know what? i will endure it. anyway, there is a high possibility of me getting kick out by the end of this year. damn, i really dont know what im feeling. getting kick out? one side of me goes: yeah!!! happy life for me from now on!! the other side goes: what am i going to do now? omgomg! how?how?

i hate my stupid inability to make decision on how i should feel, on what i want and how to analyse my own situation.

anyway, im feeling so helpless. i really want to yell at the teachers that yes, i hate it here. and yes, i dont care about my stupid bloody marks so STOP lecturing me on my U and what not and just freaking leave me alone. and you really want the answer to why im getting headache every bloody day? its because of this school, because of you! first time ever that i cant stand teachers. anyway, they are nice la, very caring and all (not sarcasm ok!!) but i really cannot stand their attitude on marks. i cannot help it but feel disgust when they over emphasise on marks. i guess this is what happens when you go into those top schools? why cant all the teacher be like onizuka? (talking about great teacher onizuka here) urgh!! i hate feeling helpless!!

BLAH

i seriously wonder whether i will cry when i get back my promo results and was informed that im going to get kick out =.=

Dolls

the first pic with the pretty male exposing his collarbone is OhMyDamnGod SEXY!! and the rebellious aura leaking out from the second male is yeah, OhMyDamnDamnGod sexy again. :D

right, fangirl faint*

choice?

when i have the urge to blog, i have a lot of things to blog about >.<
anyway, CC posted this on her blog,

"But junior high school is compulsory."

"That's for other people to worry about, not you. It's not compulsory to go someplace where you're miserable. Not at all. You have rights too, you know."

---Haruki Murakami, "Dance Dance Dance"

and its just so SPEAK TO ME!
Taurus people absolutely refuses to do things that they do not want to do. so sometimes, other people think that they are being antisocial and difficult when they refuses to participate in something. but, its just in my nature, you know? you only live life once. so why not do things your own way to your heart's desire instead of following the crowd? in case of misunderstanding, i have nothing against following the crowd because most of the time im like "anything la, this or that? doesnt matter. no problem." but JC? damnDamnDAMN hate it man. i know that JC is the straightest (hence shortest) path to success provided you do well. (poly too la, but three years is =.=.) and i do want to succeed. i have my dream to be fulfilled. i have my ferrets waiting to be cuddled. but why must the society have to deem a piece of paper and a bunch of alphabets so important that without it, sorry, please go the hard way. goodbye. its like ????!!!! and all the knowledge gained in pri, sec, jc are all meaningless in the future. so, because of society, im spending 12 years of my life learning something worthless (except for languages, math and econs) just so i can gain acceptance into a university which is the gate to my dream job. i understand that such system is necessary. but it just irks me to no end that im wasting so much time, feeling so much stress (ok la, not stressed out la), and basically the effort put in to memorise meaningless information.
ok, im out of point here. the point is i hate that im a coward. i hate that i do not have the courage to quit school RIGHT NOW simply because im scared of the future, scared that i will regret when im old and penniless that such situation occur simply because i was too immature to endure. but at the same time, im scared that such situation will occur anyway because im just too miserable to get the energy and motivation to study for my promos.

Schools today are teaching useless things. That's why students don't like to study. - Eikichi Onizuka.

Nature’s

http://www.dumage.com/strange-trees/

i dont know whether the pictures have been altered or not. but still, if these scenes truly exist, its very amazing right?

and

ferret’s personality is just too cute for words. love!!! <3 i really do mean it when i said i will migrate just to cuddle with a ferret. heex, should be 4 or so ferrets, because knowing me, i wont be able to resist just buying one. and i must have at least one hamster and one puppy living with me too. all three animals are just too understanding and really do treat their owners damn well.  do you know that if your ferret /hamster/puppy feels connected to you, it will feel sad when you are feeling sad too? i miss my hamsters, duoduo no.1, duoduo no.2 and duoduo no.3 :( they have never bitten me, shit on my hand, run away from me, or just plainly refuse to stay put on my palm before. and i remember i always allow them free rein of the house(just to let them exercise and let them play explorer) without having to worry that they will disappear or dirtying the floor with their lol! because they always go back to their mini bungalow when they are tired or to need to conduct their lol!. they are hamsters!! not dogs! and i have never train them to be so considerate. so sweet right? missed.

Secret Manual Notebook

omg! this is so cute!! when i first saw this, i was like i HAVE to own this. but the price is such a mood damper :( $6 -$9 for one. or i can just order from china, buuuuttttttt the quality, number of pages, blahblahblah differ for each china seller and the shipping fees, time, etc is like... troublesome. and i will forget about it tmr anyway.

right, back to the web again.

Harbour and Anchor

i cant sleep. was tossing in bed and thinking of everything and anything. please dont be overly-sensitive to the words below. it might be refering to you or it might not be. there's no point in asking me about it. i wont tell.

situation number 1.
there's a huge gap between us. i guess that's what time does to two person. and im not sure trying to mend the gap will help us anyway. our lives are totally heading in opposite direction. you have changed. so have i. this is so not the same as what happen to me and sunshine, or me with ling. no communication with each other for a few months? its ok. once we meet up, we will be laughing and chatting like good old friends again.
we used to be so close. but our social world are just too different. you can sense it too, cant you? there's no "wow, i truely miss this. why havent i meet up with her earlier on?" feeling. i can see it in your eyes too. friends who once share personal secrets with each other but now feel awkward in each other's presence. just typing this aches my heart. i know we can be friends again but as close as before? i dont think so. you feel guilty that it might be your fault. but honestly speaking, i think its mine.friends leave footsteps in your heart. you have left yours. i hoped years down the road, my heart will not be filled with footsteps, but with people.

situation number 2.
you dont believe me when i said she dont really treat us the same way we treat her, do you? you think im just lying, trying to destroy your relationship with her. she knows that i told you this. because i told her i told you. did she get indignant? did she get angry? did she feel upset that i felt this way about her? not.at.all. she just laughed and said to me, you really are the only one who knows me. i dont really feel upset that im not as important to her as she is to me. that's just the way she is. or it might be because i know that she cares about me in her own way, maybe slightly more than what she normally does to other people. i honestly feel that you will get seriously hurt in the much later future when you realised what i have said is the truth, that you cant rely on her. you clung to her like she is your lifeline. that's my point of view. you treat her as your precious best friend. and what's the way she treat you? i honestly dont know but i can guess. i really dont get you. cant you feel the rift between the two of you already? like there's nothing to talk about? the awkwardness. i have been telling her, more like criticising her, that she really is being very fake.

situation number 3.
thanks for being there for me. you are one of those few who honestly want to know more about me and be there for me. even though i sometimes just smiles and act like im clueless or i dont care, but in reality, i have a clear idea of who really cares about me. i dont think i will ever tell you in person that you really meant a lot to me. its just not in my nature. since young, i have this thought that emotions are best shown through actions. those people who said "i love you" as easily as drinking water are just too icky for me. but you know if i ever tell you in person that i like you or i love you (both means the same to me la if you are the same gender as me:/), i honestly feel that way? i think i got tell you before leh. hehe. haha. anyway, i really like you la!!!!!!

situation number 4.
i know i have been placing you as second place. i know you have been upset with me. but in a way, im glad that this happens. been feeling that you dont really treat your friends as they deserved. you once told us that your other friends everytime pahseh you, dont care about you. but honestly speaking, from what i see, did you even treat them the precious way friends should be treated in the first place? once school started and once you met new friends, did you even try to communicate with me? no, you didnt. i tried, you know. but you are just not there.

situation number 5.
i really like you a lot too. you dont judge me and forgive my every faults as easily as breathing. even though we are not that close and only hang out once in a while but still, i do treat you as my friend. you are like me too. those kind who dont need a lot of friends because a few best friends who will stand by you is enough.