Regret

i went shopping at swanton, watsons and then ntuc just now. and i got back home with a raging headache. ah, nonono, its not because of the shopping that causes my migraine. in fact, i think shopping helps a little because they took my mind off certain best-left-untouched issues.

i dont like you. alright, that's an understatement. i hate you. that feels better. i think its this hatred that is causing me migraine. my mind dont deal well with negative emotions, i guess. sometimes, when i want to be just a little bit evil, to hurt, my mind will automatically shut down. in a nutshell, it means these are just fleeting thoughts which flash by for only a second. that applies for dislike too. yeah, it might be hard to believe since sometimes, i will be harping on a certain someone for like a year? but that's because she keeps doing things which reminded me of why i should dislike her.

anyway,
i cant tell you my feelings can i? it will make life more complicated for me. frankly speaking, i dont really care whether i will still be going back next year. ah, but i often dont care what is happening to me. you are upset when i look at the time when you are speaking to me. and then you tell me "have you considered what your actions and words make other people think of you?" but let me tell you this, have you considered that what image of me that i project towards you is deliberate, calculated? im not a simple-minded person. that's just what i want you to think of me. get it? though i have a feeling that soon, this facade of mine will crack in front of you because i dont want to spend another minute of my life with you anymore. and you will probably get that i DO NOT think of you as caring, honest and other good adjectives. gosh, why must you keep doing all this things to make me hate you?

urgh, the more i think about it, the more pain in my head im feeling. oh by the way, i think its this hatred for my school that's causing me frequent migraine too. erm, yup, i do hate my school.

might be meeting YL at xms tomorrow. missed.
will probably get back $19 on thurs. profit earn = $5?