Harbour and Anchor

i cant sleep. was tossing in bed and thinking of everything and anything. please dont be overly-sensitive to the words below. it might be refering to you or it might not be. there's no point in asking me about it. i wont tell.

situation number 1.
there's a huge gap between us. i guess that's what time does to two person. and im not sure trying to mend the gap will help us anyway. our lives are totally heading in opposite direction. you have changed. so have i. this is so not the same as what happen to me and sunshine, or me with ling. no communication with each other for a few months? its ok. once we meet up, we will be laughing and chatting like good old friends again.
we used to be so close. but our social world are just too different. you can sense it too, cant you? there's no "wow, i truely miss this. why havent i meet up with her earlier on?" feeling. i can see it in your eyes too. friends who once share personal secrets with each other but now feel awkward in each other's presence. just typing this aches my heart. i know we can be friends again but as close as before? i dont think so. you feel guilty that it might be your fault. but honestly speaking, i think its mine.friends leave footsteps in your heart. you have left yours. i hoped years down the road, my heart will not be filled with footsteps, but with people.

situation number 2.
you dont believe me when i said she dont really treat us the same way we treat her, do you? you think im just lying, trying to destroy your relationship with her. she knows that i told you this. because i told her i told you. did she get indignant? did she get angry? did she feel upset that i felt this way about her? not.at.all. she just laughed and said to me, you really are the only one who knows me. i dont really feel upset that im not as important to her as she is to me. that's just the way she is. or it might be because i know that she cares about me in her own way, maybe slightly more than what she normally does to other people. i honestly feel that you will get seriously hurt in the much later future when you realised what i have said is the truth, that you cant rely on her. you clung to her like she is your lifeline. that's my point of view. you treat her as your precious best friend. and what's the way she treat you? i honestly dont know but i can guess. i really dont get you. cant you feel the rift between the two of you already? like there's nothing to talk about? the awkwardness. i have been telling her, more like criticising her, that she really is being very fake.

situation number 3.
thanks for being there for me. you are one of those few who honestly want to know more about me and be there for me. even though i sometimes just smiles and act like im clueless or i dont care, but in reality, i have a clear idea of who really cares about me. i dont think i will ever tell you in person that you really meant a lot to me. its just not in my nature. since young, i have this thought that emotions are best shown through actions. those people who said "i love you" as easily as drinking water are just too icky for me. but you know if i ever tell you in person that i like you or i love you (both means the same to me la if you are the same gender as me:/), i honestly feel that way? i think i got tell you before leh. hehe. haha. anyway, i really like you la!!!!!!

situation number 4.
i know i have been placing you as second place. i know you have been upset with me. but in a way, im glad that this happens. been feeling that you dont really treat your friends as they deserved. you once told us that your other friends everytime pahseh you, dont care about you. but honestly speaking, from what i see, did you even treat them the precious way friends should be treated in the first place? once school started and once you met new friends, did you even try to communicate with me? no, you didnt. i tried, you know. but you are just not there.

situation number 5.
i really like you a lot too. you dont judge me and forgive my every faults as easily as breathing. even though we are not that close and only hang out once in a while but still, i do treat you as my friend. you are like me too. those kind who dont need a lot of friends because a few best friends who will stand by you is enough.